Because the masturbation has been considered opposite to the moral during long time, that carries out it can experience a culpability feeling that must surpass, because he is something inoffensive and even positive.

In addition, it has been verified which most of the people it practices it, sometimes from the childhood and with greater frequency from the adolescence. The masturbation constitutes a form to alleviate the necessity of sexual satisfaction, which does not suppose that people married or with stable pair do not carry out, since it is a form to obtain to please different from the sex, something additional that does not mean that the companion or the companion is incapable to provide the sufficient pleasure to their pair; it either does not entail a variation of the feelings towards the other person.

The sexual ensoñaciones or fantasies are something natural that can accompany the masturbation. Also the use of photographies or pornográficas illustrations is frequent to increase the excitation at those moments.

On the other hand, the masturbation sometimes is used like therapy to solve some sexual disfunciones.

In agreement cm The Kimsey Institute New Report on Sex (1990), a 94% of men have been masturbado until arriving at some time at orgasmo of their life.

By means of the personal experience the techniques and rates are learned that give better result. This form the man knows his answers and it is possible to be anticipated to orgasmo.

The use of lubricants reduces the friction and can cause that it increases the pleasure.

Individual satisfaction

This program this designed to show to him how to concentrate itself in own his to pleasing.
This can be surprising difficult to those who has not been educated to think that the others must always go in the first place.
It is worth the trouble to make an effort to surpass any inhibition that is had with respect to the autoestimulación.

These exercises not only are pleasant, also they will relax to him and they will put to him in contact with its sexual answers.

How to masturbar to a man?

The masturbation is helpful so that the greater people reach the erection.
With smooth caresses you can get to reach orgasmo, but the penis also admits an stimulation with less subtility.
It surrounds the body by the penis with the hand and moves the skin above and down rythmically, the speed, duration of the movement and the pressure to exert it depends on each person, comentalo with your pair so that it indicates to you most suitable.
Frenillo, zone right under glande with the turgid penis, can be very stimulating.
As your pair is arriving at orgasmo increases the speed of the movements. After the eyaculación glande becomes very sensible reason why it is necessary to let tighten.

Stimulation of the testicles

For almost all the men he is very relajante who caress the testítulos to them, that yes, always with smoothness.
It takes the penis with the hand and uses the other to cover and to cross the testicles and to caress the zone between the testicles and the anus.
This zone is very sensible.
Escroto (stock market that contains the testicles) is as if they were the outer lips of the woman, for that reason although the caresses and the kisses produce very pleasant sensations, is not probable that they end at orgasm.

There are several keys in this, and one is to recognize that we are the sex, that the sexual sensation we are, that is to say, that is not something separated, sex and I, for example. Once recognized this we will go beyond, trying to discover the intimate existing relation between sexuality and tantra, or mystical éxtasis.

The sexual enjoyment is spiritual, although our culture has degraded it to a simple reproductive, mechanical act, with sometimes certain to please genital and in very few cases, with an enjoyment that goes beyond the organic thing, arriving at the emotional thing. For the magician sex is art, is poetry, is music, éxtasis, ecstasy, devotion, adoration, gives. And the key is in the handling of its sexual energy, which takes care of like its own one to be, since there the image of the perfect man is located.

Within that mutual understanding with the magician – artistic, one begins to appreciate the beauty of the body like manifestation of the divine thing, like expression of internal it. Thus the woman is the Divine Mother, the eternal lover, Shakti, the wife of Shiva. The man is Shiva, the spirit. Some will not understand the relation between Hindu and the Christian. They are in fact expressions of internal forces that the man has to his reach.

Formerly the sexual magic was taught privily in the initiation temples, and according to some followers count, only taught east art “to the wide-awake” disciple. Which comes to us to stress the importance of the subject, and seriousness whereupon must be approached. One is not to return to us sexual gymnasts, but to enter a world of perception and sensitivity, to which the common man does not accede generally. For it it is necessary to change the form to think and to feel, specially this last one.

The absurd idea to have a linear sexual relation, where both contributor ones go in search of something called orgasmo, but that not even is as they create, the moment of greater enjoyment, is beside the point limitor, and therefore it moves away to us of the sexual éxtasis. The éxtasis is a incomunicable experience, is something mystical and simultaneously sexual. They are two aspects of a same thing. The energy that produces the sexual éxtasis, is the same one that takes us éxtasis to the mystical.

In the sexual energy it is the image of our perfection, which in kábala is called the “Adam Kadmon”. When we do not lose the sexual energy, this one returns inwards and upwards, to form our superior vehicles of conscience, the internal bodies. Once formed these internal bodies, the man enters a dimension of the life totally unknown for the humanity. But the crystallization of this new man is all a creation, a creation that is resembled the formation of the universe, since we are a universe. The experience of the sexual thing as a spiritual comunión with our pair allows us to fuse to us with our internal God, with the totality.

The key is not only to channel the energy inwards, but that is needed a state of the soul different from the daily one; for that reason hablabamos to change the form to think and to feel. In addition it requires that we are enamored with our pair, since as it said before, this is not a sexual gymnastics.

With this love art we are working with the sagrada serpent, the Divine Mother, the Kundalini, that lives in coxis, in chakra basic, induced sleep but hoping to wake up. All the existing information on the subject emphasizes the point of not eliminating the sexual energy, which happens in the man with the seminal eyaculación. It is of great importance of emphasizing the Eastern idea that the man of the West does not know orgasmo. Think that that placentera sensation post-eyaculatoria is orgasmo, but it is not it. Orgasmo in East is he himself éxtasis. What feels the common man is the lightening sensation that is generated when the energy is unblocked.

Any blocked energy that is freed produces to please, and therefore it is accepted willingly, but we are trying here to go more inside, to the same roots of the comunión with the divine thing, where we can participate in the éxtasis sensation. For that reason we say that it is not only tried to apply a technique of not eyacular, or to retain they semen, but that is an internal attitude, that allows us to fuse to us with the totality. If we did not experience that, we will not be practicing sexual magic, but a sexual act more or less searched carefully.

One is to transmutar semen in creative energy, to sublimate it, to promote it by the spine, filling the dawn with that divine fire, to begin an inner creation. That creation takes to us to crystallize our internal vehicles, also calls solar bodies, or final stages. The superior astral body, the means and the inferior one exist. Those bodies have their design in the sexual energy. When wide-awake the Kundalini serpent, begins its work of regeneration and creation of those bodies.

In the act of sexual magic, the pair is magnetized mutually. The plexos are loaded and harnessed with the interchange of loving caresses. It is important to manage a very good exitación in order to sutilizar the soul and to open the spirit to the divine energy that begins to fill to both consortes. The emotional opening that puts to us in contact with the voluptuosidad is the entrance to the kingdom of the high magic, the Biblical Edén. These sensations are the food that the soul needs to face the vital experience.

A teacher affirms: “In the old times there was a school of Mysteries in which it appeared a ring in which the image of Irises and Serapis united by a snake”…” Instead of the sex was recorded who arrive at orgasmo, must reflectively extend sweet caresses, loving phrases and delicate tacts, maintaining constantly separated to the mind from the sexuality animal, maintaining the purest espiritualidad, as if the act was a true religious ceremony. Nevertheless it can and it must the man introduce the penis and to maintain it in feminine sex, so that it happens to a both divine sensation, full of joy, that can last whole hours, retiring it at the moment in which espasmo comes near, to avoid the eyaculación of they semen. This way they will have desire more and more to caress itself. This can be repeated so many times whatever is never wanted without happening the fatigue, because all the opposite, is the magical key daily to be rejuvenecido, maintaining the body healthy and prolonging the life, since it is a source of health with this constant magnetization. “

But that nobody is confused: these subjects are question of direct intimate experimentation, something very personal. To resign to concupiscencia animal, for the sake of espiritualidad, is fundamental in magic sexual, if it is that in truth we want to find the thread of Ariadna of the ascent, that is to lead us of the darknesses to the light, of the death to immortality. This magical work with sex is what abstention is called, which does not have to be confused with celibacy. The abstention is the conscientious handling of the sexual energy, within a spiritual science, that is to that accedes the initiate. This allows him to wake up the sleepy Kundalini serpent.

That it does not alter the PH of vaginal means
That he is not maloliente
That it does not irritate nor stains
That it does not open pores of the latex of the Profhylactics (for that reason they advise against petroleum jelly, lanolina or creams that contain them)

The vagina, for being humid means and to be in contact with the enemy with the outside, in addition to the lack of hygiene in many cases, are prone to suffer diverse diseases:

there are them inflammatory, infectious, parasitic or micotics (fungi), and some of these can be acute or to become chronic. Without forgetting to us that, in the menopause, by the fall of estrogens, the vaginal lubrication diminishes being able to give true atróficas vaginitis.

The different forms from vaginitis can give pain, mainly in the sex, and to this dispareunia or painful sex is called. Dispareunia (word that badly comes from Greek “the mating or badly connection”) can be due to diverse causes – even psychological and many of these pictures conceal a problem of anorgasmia (absence of orgasm) or of vaginism (spasmodic contraction of vaginal muscles). In the consultation he is frequent that the woman refers pain or annoyances when maintaining coitales relations. Not always it relates the professional in spontaneous form, since the pudor or the shame prevents him to do it, but the doctor interrogates it in a confidence frame and respect can arise the data.

There is one who maintains that dispareunia is one more a disfunción incapacitante than anorgasmia and becomes a good reason so that the woman goes to the doctor. Many that they never arrive at orgasmo resort to the gynecologist but when there is pain, that affects the coital capacity seriously, yes they do it. In these cases, where the penetration becomes difficult and uncomfortable, the indication of an effective lubricant diminishes or avoids the coital pain and the probable injuries of the vaginal wall: with a small amount applied in the genitals of the woman and the man, the penetration will stop being something irritating to return to be placentera. Clear that the professional will always try to eliminate the causal factors of the vaginitis and dispareunia.

The vaginism consists of a spasmodic and involuntary contraction of vaginal muscles, repeated and almost constant way, that the penetration does not allow during the sex. There are cases in that the contraction appears only before the attempt of the fálica introduction, in others neither allows the entrance of a finger nor of tampones and it even disables the gynecological examination (until the point that are women who never have let themselves do the PAP nor colposcopía). There are dramatic situations of women who cannot be penetrated during years of marriage arriving to be pregnant yes without penetration and by the eyaculado one in the doors of the vagina (although it seems rare is not it so: recently I had a patient who was desflorada during the childbirth and another one, when having it by Caesarean, stayed with the hymen without desflorar). The vaginismo does not depend on the will and it is not regulated consciously. This situation persists throughout the years and is one of the causes of the completed marriage (others are not: the impotence, the precocious eyaculación and the phobias of the man) who sometimes makes crisis when the pair wants to have children and this difficulty also prevents it. The treatment of the vaginismo is of effective resolution with the modern Sexual Therapies that combine psicoterapéuticas interventions, including tasks or prescriptions to make by the woman, as much solo as with its pair (outside the interviews with the sexólogo) and where the use of an external lubricant usually is of extreme utility like therapeutic aid.

Too much it is spoken of the frigidity, unfortunately often with a machista and degrading criterion for the woman, for that reason the Sexología no longer tends to use that term. Not very often it says that there are cases where the woman, to not to be able to excite (in some cases because the men do not take the work to stimulate them), it does not lubricate the sufficient thing and the penetration becomes difficult or it takes control of annoyances, which generates a circle vicious that takes it to avoid the sexual relations still more. Something similar happens with the calls disfunciones of desire where the woman does not have desire to make the love and not to displease to his pair she accepts equal the penetration: when making it with the dry vagina, this does not dilate nor dampens, repeating the same circularidad of little desire – low lubrication – pain in the penetration – avoidance of later contacts. Now we are even investigating, here and anywhere in the world, the medicine use like the Viagra to increase to the lubrication and the vaginal vasodilatación.

In the menopause there is a diminution of the vaginal lubrication almost always, with the consequent irritation or pain in the introduction, which often takes to the woman to leave the sexual relations. In each penetration without lubrication it can have damages in the mucosa which entails more pain and avoidance of the sex. In these cases the simple use of the lubricant is essential to recover the sexual pleasure.

In all these enunciated cases: dispareunia, disfunción of desire, anorgasmias, difficulty to be excited (impropiamente the call “frigidity”), vaginismo and marriage noncompleted as much as in the menopause (that is not a sexual disfunción), we see in common the diminution or lack of lubrication and, like consequence, difficulty in the penetration with pain or annoyances.

Also we used the intimate lubricant in the cases of precocious eyaculación (in techniques of shutdown and starting) and in the eréctil disfunción to facilitate the penetration and to improve sensitivity.

In pairs hetero and homosexuals with anal sex it is fundamental because it avoids the injuries of the mucosa to the facilitador being of the penetration and, on the other hand, the lubricant gel of intimate use, that does not open pores of the Profhylactic, allows the use of the preservative with great safety margin. They protect by double route: it avoids the front doors when not taking place the mucous injuries by the best introduction and when not opening pores of the preservative.

Let us think that the use of a proven and effective lubricant in gel form that before reunites the mentioned conditions, is something indispensable to enjoy a sexual life without annoyances, heals, in a frame of pleasing and increase of the eroticism, of love and security.

What Claudius says is a fantasy very common in the young people, and the adults even: the hymen obturates all the vaginal entrance. In fact it is an elastic membrane, an embryonic remainder without no utility, that borders the vaginal wall but without occluding it. Therefore, there is no problem so that it leaves the menstruation. When yes it occludes it totally – made rare luckily -, imperforado hymen is denominated: the blood does not lower, it is accumulated in the uterus (hematocolpos) and is necessary to make an operation. But in the immense majority of the cases the hymen is like an edge that allows with all facility the peneana penetration unless, by little lubrication or fear, it becomes uncomfortable or it bothers.

A penetration can be painful the first physiological or even external time, for both, if it becomes of an abrupt way and without a vaginal lubrication, (I advise, in certain cases, to also lubricate the penis). This is a much more valid reason that the rupture of the hymen; even, often, there are neither pain nor no sanguineous losses or are in minimum amount. The hymen can “be broken” in gymnastic practices, equitación, cycling or during some effort.

Of all ways conservation of hymen until marriage, that took in some cases to aberrant interventions like giving points him in the vagina of women who were not virgin to simulate that they were it, today no longer is a good so appraised as, once safe for recalcitrant machistas, old dinosaurios of the past which this way they want to continue holding the dominion and control on the women.

By all means, that a young person wants to arrive virgin at the marriage, with his conserved hymen, is a sovereign decision that always there is to respect. The Sexólogos we do not promote that the young people must maintain relations precociously sexual, but advocated that they can get to do it in a frame of security, confidence and affection, when they wish it, without impositions nor prohibitions.

The trauma designates, first of all, a personal event of the history of the subject, whose date can settle down with exactitude, and that is subjectively important by the laborious effects that it can trigger; it cannot be spoken of traumatic events of an absolute way, without considering the own susceptibility of each individual.

Of the sexual experiences that can be lived as traumatic we could mention: incestuosas relations, sexual violations, abuses, a seduction homo or heterosexual of an adult to niñ@s or young people, salary surprised during the sexual act, that as a result of that only sexual act has taken place a pregnancy nonwished that it culminated in abortion, the initiation with a brutal and thoughtless companion, etc. In spite of the undeniable importance of a fact of this type, contemporary psychology already has let consider that a single cause can determine how there is to be the future life of that individual. Today it is preferred to speak of the multicausality (Freud spoke of sobredetermination) and not of a mere relation causaefecto between the traumatic fact and the later sexual experiences.

Beginning with prostitute

Caesar, 14 years: Which is the difference between making debut with one prostitute or with a friend?

Mariano, 17 years: Is not better to begin with prostitutas to learn?

The basic difference is given, appealing to the conditions above-mentioned, by the frame of affective security, mutual confidence, love and, also, by the possibility of a greater stability and frequency of encounter with that pair.

In the case of prostitutes to many young people the possibility worries to them of contracting some disease of sexual transmission. This does not happen to him with the friend but, in counterpart, it troubles the fear to embarrass it. Anyway, we do not think that it is necessary to begin as much with prostitutas, since the experience says to us that, in young people as in adults, it is badly a learning.

We will mention some eloquent phrases referred this type of sexual debut:

“Everything was very cold…”
“It said to Me: we go pibe that becomes behind schedule…”
“Era in a work in construction and was dark… she took hold to me and eyaculé immediately… I did not saw it, I did not know how she was…”
“I entered terrified and he did not hit upon to do nothing, she said to me that he tranquilized to me, but outside my friends began to strike and to shout: apurate skinny! …”
“I was scared so much that I could not do nothing; when I left, by all means I told that he had obtained it.”
“I made debut in a seat with which I knew in the street, and soon after finishing the police arrived and it took to us to both. To me they released to me immediately but to her they said to him that they would apply `article to him’ and it remained inside.”
“It was in the papa deposit and when one of the boys was inside and we played letters, it arrived my old one and it ran us to all of the place…”
The first time

Mario, 21 years: A woman can be pregnant in one first sexual relation?

Final we say that yes, still more: it can be pregnant although it does not mediate penetration and desfloración, since if the man finishes near the vagina the spermatozoa can ascend taking advantage of the vaginal lubrication. So the use of contraceptive methods always prevails. Also a ETS can be infected reason why the use of the preservative prevails.

Paola, 19 years: Is common that a woman finishes in his first time?

As in all the first experiences in the human being time is necessary to occur to be discovering the placenteras possibilities, that not necessarily they arrive in the first contacts. It remembers like were clumsy the first steps, the first time that you wrote, the first kiss, the first dance. Then: in the debut it can be that they have a orgásmica experience, but habitual, due to the great expectation and anxiety that this situation involves, is that so famous orgasmo does not appear.

We have compiled some loose phrases of our patients, speaking of its sexual beginnings, these will give a clear idea us of the conflicting thing that they can get to be under certain circumstances:

“I had as much terror in being pregnant that I did not feel anything…”
“When I was of honeymoon was scared, did not know how it was! My husband could do it just to the fourth day…”
“It was not wanted to put condón and I had panic to infect to me of something, in the end used it but I could not enjoy…”
“The truth is that it hurt to me, was as an ardor and my fiancè made a little brutal, I I thought that that was not worth the trouble, luckily soon the thing was improving.”
“We were in the house vestibule and with my fiancè we dealt to do stopped it. Suddenly we saw the light of the dormitory; I had panic of which my father discovered to us…”
This it is a small sample book of initiations not very pleasing, but quite common, specially some years back.

We wanted to brief not as much like peculiar data – or that the famous “night of weddings” very many times he is frustrating due to the inexperience, anxiety and ignorance of both; we even know of cases in which the marriage returned virgin from! to honeymoon. Today, to tell the truth, “the so virgin” young people do not arrive at that night (in all sense) like long ago. As far as the men who prolong their virginity, although they want to complete the sex with penetration, we have spoken extensively in the article on virgin Men.

Sandra, 17 years: Can be that a woman nonblood after first sexual relation?

Yes, it is possible. Before we said that bleeding can appear little; often even there is no blood slope. This it is a fact that does not have importance, safe in those cultures where it is demanded that the sheet appears covered with blood after night of weddings. In them the foresighted mothers advised to their daughters to take a bag with chicken blood to spill it at the suitable moment. In another article of this section we have spoken of the Myth of the hymen.

Graciela, 26 years: Which is the cause of which, in one first relation, the man does not make (sic) erection?

There are diverse circumstances that make notch, “in even the most mentioned”. These can be conditions of anxiety, exigency to satisfy the woman, fear to embarrass it or to hurt it, unfavorable environment, a little collaborating attitude of the pair, fear to the failure. All this can affect the good operation of the man, as well as it can also inhibit the woman. The important thing is that soon this fact to the point is not magnified that is constituted in something obsessive and definitive: that anybody has not been able sometimes is not synonymous of which it will never be able.

Clorinda, 23 years: Is certain what I read in a magazine of which many men have begun with animals? It seems to me an aberration.

This that to Clorinda it seems to him an aberration is common in rural means, where the isolation is so that it takes to have sporadic contacts with animals; fact that, on the other hand, appears described from the Biblical times. In two beautiful films, as Padrone Father and the ballad of Narayama can be observed acts like the mentioned ones. Anyway, he is neither best nor the most advisable thing like sexual experience; although he is infrequent that this type of contacts persists throughout the existence of an individual, unless it never can have possibility of being related to a woman.

The men and the virgins

Daniel, 18 years: A man is debilitated sexually if it has relations with a virgin?

Andrea, 19 years: Existe the rejection of the man before a virgin?

The fear of the men before the feminine virginity is a as old fact as the same history of the humanity. The mystery of that dark cavity grotto where falo of the man penetrates completely without information has intimidated and taken to construct complicated rituals of desfloración, that formerly included the presence of priests specialized in carrying out this task, which although seems strange, fulfilled enormous sacrifice.

In addition, one of the oldest taboos talks about to the contact with the emanated feminine blood of the vagina: one assumed that it had maleficent powers and it could cause weakness, disease and until the death. Today in some Australian tribes the penetration of a virgin is even made at a distance, using instruments of wood or ivory.

In the days of old Greece or of the Roman Empire it was custom that some women yielded their virginity in honor to the God of the fecundity (Príapo), seating on falo turgid of the statue that represented the God. In African tribes these practices of ritual desfloración with falos used by the wizards even persist. In many cases, he himself father of the fiancèe was in charge of this practice before donating it to it to the husband (in those culture the woman considered a mere object property of the father, yielded to the dominion of the husband).

In the Medioevo the feudal gentleman could exert the pernada right call of, that consisted of taking to the fiancèe after the office of the marriage and desflorar it before the husband. This tradition was derived in its beginning of the fear before the contact with the blood of the virgin, but later it was reduced to a mere despotic practice.

At the present time, some men, maintain these magnified ancestral fears in the fóbicos but, luckily for the women, they are the minuses, and today no longer no intermediary looks for, is priest, chamán, statue or village caudillo to act this as, that does not debilitate the man nor “contaminates with impurities”.

Note: for this series of articles some texts of “Sexuality in the pair” were used (Sapetti – Rosenzvaig, Galerna Editorial, 1987).

Susi, 18: so that so much is valued the feminine virginity and not therefore the masculine one?

The valuation of the feminine virginity and the obligation to arrive as so at the marriage have been consequence of the masculine domination and the restoration of patriarcales systems. In order to certify the paternity, the man, it forced to the woman the forced fidelity, to the premarried abstention and the prescription of the virginity until the law of the marriage qualified it, erogando for himself the possibility of everything what it prohibited the woman him. F. Engels supposes that, like consequence, they appear the figures of prostitution and the adultery. The feminine virginity assured in the male, that her woman, had not been had and, like its utensils, its own house, its animals, its inheritance, also the female happened to be object of its property.

At the moment, to a great extent, there is lost the sense of the dominion and the control of the man on the woman; as much small as boys, in general, they decide with greater freedom the moment for having relations that it has to do more with the desire to do the one that with moral, legal or religious rules.
With regard to the men, in another article, we have developed the thematic one of the virgin man even with interesting testimonies.

DEBUT AND PAIN

Pablo, 18: Pain the first time? I have understood that a relation between frenillo exists and its rupture in the debut.
Cynthia, 19: The first sexual relation of a woman always is painful?

A penetration could have been painful for both if for of abrupt way and without previous a vaginal lubrication. This is one more a reason more valid than the rupture of the hymen, even often are neither pain nor no sanguineous losses or, if there are them, it is in minimum amount. In another article we have developed with greater extension the subject of the myth of the hymen. In the man it does not have so that to hurt nor frenillo is cut (a man can be all his life without he is cut to him, in other cases is necessary to arrive at the surgical act), since the vagina is the sufficiently elastic thing like allowing the penetration.

VIRGINITY AND BELIEFS

Omar, 25: Although it never seems strange I had sexual relations and I aspire to arrive at the marriage without them to have had, I consider this like a correct attitude. How take You?
Carmen, 53: Is advisable to arrive virgin at the marriage?
Alberto, 29: I have been leaving with a girl for two years. She is catholic medical instructor and she does not want to have relations before marrying. I want to know if the religion inhibits the sexual feelings.

In relation to the question of Alberto on the possible inhibiting effect of the religion on the sexual feelings we must say that some religions in special of derived from the common trunk judeo-Christian, have condemned and repressed the placenteros aspects of the sexuality, subordinating them its merely reproductive facet.

To maintain or relations sexual is not a decision that will have to be ruined to the intimate election of each person. It is based on the own ideals and beliefs, but these are always influenced by systems of values, familiar or religious pressures. Nevertheless there is nothing criticable or no censurable in the decision to remain virgin, but in the same way the will will have to be respected of those who wishes to begin sexually outside the law of the marriage.

THE FEARS

Noemí, 16: I am much scared to lose the virginity and that later the men do not accept to me.
Marta, 18: I have been of fiancèe for two years, we are wanted. My fiancè began to request to me that we make the love, nevertheless I am scared of which if acceptance and this relation do not continue other they consider less me not being virgin.
Esteban, 21: My fiancèe, who is not virgin, wants to have relations. She gives fear me that she of account of my inexperience. How I must act?
Louis, 22: Which are the fears most common in the young people who have not begun in sex?

Let us think that the young people of our days no longer consider like a supreme good to the virginity. The fears related to the possible loss of the love or the respect of a man to have acceded to maintain sexual relations with him, seem to have more to do with folletines of the years 40 that with the present reality. Although still prohibitions and fears persist in certain social sectors and orthodox religious groups in which it is continued valuing the feminine virginity like a supreme good, thing that we think that it is related to the scorn by the woman and the submission that this one must suffer. In addition if un/a compañero/a, novio/a, rejects to its pair by the mere fact of being virgin is not being confused the part with the whole and it is let value to the other like person.

They do not exist technical certain and precise appropriate for the debut, yes are minimum conditions based on the love, the confidence and the mutual security.

The most frequent fears in the girls are:

To the pain
To being damaged
The social consequences
To that one notices to them
To the pregnancy
To being “a easy girl”
To the object that is going to penetrate in its near space
To being put under
To being left later
To the rejection
To being discovered by its family
To I infect of some disease

In the men they are:

To penetrate
To the blood
Not to have erection
To fail
To not knowing how what to do
Not to find where
To the ridiculous situation
To the hymen
To eyacular before penetrating or “to go away fast”
To make damage
To embarrass
(Adapted of an investigation of Kornhauser- Rosenzvaig, 1985)

Which would be the best conditions for the sexual initiation of the adolescents?

Some of these conditions already were commented but it is worth the trouble to reiterate some requirements necessary to assure a good sexual initiation:

A free and responsible education
Trustworthy information
A suitable and safe place
Time available
Contraceptive and surely reliable, suitable and proven method with previous medical advising
Use of the Profhylactic
To obtain privacy
Knowledge that more express and is not synonymous much of better
To have tolerance, compression and patience towards the other and one same one
Mutual affection and care

Many ask if there is an appropriate age for the sexual initiation: any age indicated for it does not exist.

We can say that, statistically, in Argentina, the men begin around the 15 to 17 years, like the girls. This has come changing with the times, 30 years back, they began between the 13 and the 15, generally with prostitutas and in group, or some better off with the domestic service in its own home, few with its fiancèes or even with relatives.
Soon they appeared saunas and the houses of massages (before tolerance houses were the calls “”). For some men these beginnings had a load of brutal anxiety, with a sensation of deception or real impotence, product of the fear and the hardship: many they would confess to us, years later in the doctor’s office, that in that debut in fact could not begin.
The women however, began more near 20 and many with marriage by means of. At this moment, is commonest the initiation in pair, relations of engagement, comradeship or friendship and usually they have relations in the own houses, their own quarters and, in many cases, with knowledge of his parents.

Certain statistics reveal that in the last year of secondary only a 20% has not had its sexual debut. Also we see it reflected in the consultations done in the pages of Internet, by young people of both smaller sexes of 18 years, asking for contraceptive methods or even for sexual disfunciones.
Perhaps this irritates or surprises many adults, but this one is the reality that, and without entering valorativos judgments, reigns in the present western societies. What puts in the rug that, a dialogue more opened between parents and children, of both sexes, without faults neither dictatorial recriminaciones nor attitudes, is an urgent necessity of our times.

Ages of sexual initiation average in some countries:

Argentina: men 14,9 years, women 15.7
Chile: men 16,2, women 17.2
USA: men 14,5, women 15.7
Spain: men 13,1, women 14.1

The questions that we have gathered throughout our professional work show that the sexual initiation, the first relation of penetration, continues being a landmark, an important and significant experience.

The adolescents usually express three fundamental preoccupations: how, when and where (Kornhauser – Rosenszvaig).
Exist a suitable and correct age for the initiation?
Hay an ideal form to make it?
What means to be prepared for that moment?

This is a stage of great commitment and begins the goodbye of the infantile body (now memory that beautiful film “Account with me” of Rob Reiner based on the story “The body” of Stephen King). We do not forget that that stage, somehow, will be recorded for always. After the debut, no longer we are such. As of that moment the behavior changes: initiation is symbol of independence, of passage of endogamia familiar to exogamia, of growth, of property to other group (the world is divided, for the young person, between “those that did it” and the one of “that still did not do it”) and is an important step in the separation respect to the parents, to such point that in many societies passage rites subsist, with ceremonies and rituals.

The best sexual fantasies, those that offer more pleasure, are centered in ideal situations, those that cannot practically be obtained in the real life, and that, unlike this one, yes can ignite or

to extinguish itself to our will, or to accelerate or to check the sexual activity. Habitual sexual fantasies can be:

- To maintain relations sexual in group.
- To make the love with a person who is not their pair then.
- To maintain relations with a person of he himself sex.
- To make the love in an unusual place.
- To be forced to make the love.
- To make the love in public.
- Etc…

THE MASCULINE SEXUAL FANTASY

The sexual fantasy is a species of ensoñación that allows the individual to escape briefly of the reality, imagining sexual situations that it is never going to live or that it would like to carry out at some time of its life.

The fantasies can appear voluntarily in the mind of the person, or of involuntary form, without the intervention of no specific sexual stimulus. Although many people perfectly control the moment and place in which they wish to imagine his fantasies sexual, others cannot do it, and it can seriously affect its conduct.

But many men and women have fantasies, and in most of the cases they provide beneficial effects to them: for example, when imagining an adolescent which would be its conduct during the first sexual contact, makes a species of test of which not yet she has experimented; also usually one resorts to the fantasies to before increase to the excitation or during the masturbation or the sex.

In the case of the man, the most frequent arguments of their sexual fantasies are the following ones:

- to imagine to have sexual relations with a woman different from the habitual companion
- to imagine simultaneously making the sexual act with several women
- to think about homosexual activities with other men
- to remember previous sexual contacts
- sadomasochistic fantasies, in which it is considered that the violence has attractive a special one, because the pain is united to the sexual pleasure; the man plays dominating or dominated the role of before a submissive or authoritarian woman.

Whereas some men and women use always he himself argument in their fantasies, also there are them prefer one different every time.

Some people worry about the content about their fantasies, since feel like guilty to imagine certain things, or because they think that those thoughts indicate that perhaps they would behave of that other way in the real life.
And since often the argument turns around prohibited conducts or outside the system of values imposed by the society, they consider that they have a psychological problem or an alteration of the personality, but has demonstrated that in the great majority of the cases it is not thus.
Generally, the sexual fantasies are solely a search of pleasing carried out by means of the imagination of eróticas ensoñaciones that excite sexually to who thinks about them.

The fantasies would be negative if they made difficult the sexual operation, for example, in case to the person it were to him essential to resort to them to be excited sexually with his pair or in any other situation of the real life. Also those fantasies have injurious effects that interfere in the capacity of the people to be related.

THE SEXUAL FANTASY IN THE WOMAN

The sexual fantasy is a erótica ensoñación that provides sexual excitation to the person who imagines it.

The sexual conduct of the man presents/displays a greater tendency than the one of the woman to the use of these imaginary stimuli during the masturbation or the sex.
Nevertheless, the women are many who have sexual fantasies, and their arguments agree in their majority with those of the men.

Most frequent they are:

- to imagine to have sexual relations with a man different from the husband or habitual companion
- to imagine to be object of a violation, carried out by one or several men
- to think about homosexual activities with another woman
- to evoke previous sexual contacts
- violent fantasies, in which a sadistic or masoquista relation settles down; the woman plays the role of dominating before a submissive man who is to please it, or is she the one that must satisfy all desires with an authoritarian man.

Other subjects that appear in the sexual fantasies of men and women are the sexual incesto, prostitution, relations with very young people or of other races, etc.

Most of the fantasies it turns around situations or sexual activities that the individual never has experimented, and that generally does not have the intention to carry out in the reality. One is mere ensoñaciones that are positive and inoffensive, unless they interfere in the habitual conduct of the individual or that they are its only source of sexual stimulation. -

The stimulation of the chests of the woman usually entails a sensation of voluptuosidad in vulva what it is translated in the lubrication of the vagina. If the woman is not sensible, the man to have to be patient and capable, since after months to stimulate the sines of the woman it is possible that this one is feeling something, because there is no doubt that the nervous completions in the mammary glands exist in all the women.

Begin kissing all the sines smoothly and later she concéntrese in the zone of the nipples. Tomelos with the lips, métalos in the mouth and sucks smoothly, alternating of sine periodically.

Mutual Masturbation

The mutual masturbation is a good way to prepare the way towards the sex, or to continue when the way towards the complete sex is difficult, by disease, to be in the last stage of the pregnancy or so that to one of both it does not desire sex to him with penetration.

Thanks to the hands can be made movements of high accuracy, that will cause that both they enjoy the best together sensations.

By means of caresses you will discover yet details the body of your pair. And by means of these small games you will be able to express of form frees your desires and prefencias, doing to know to him to your pair which you like more. (To see more masturbation )

SEXUAL POSITIONS (vaginal Penetration)

With respect to the penetration penis-vagina, which constitutes the sex in himself, we can fundamentally differentiate variants based on the position. The sex usually is the outcome of the erótico game, although it is possible that it does not happen thus and that the even one reaches orgasmo by means of the masturbation since or we have seen or by means of the anal penetration, being totally satisfied. Between two lovers who are pleased, any position in the sex is perfectly normal and legitimate, and the sexual life is more pleasant if the pair experiments.

The members of the pair must have the same curiosity to find together and new positions different. Twelve encounter will make lack at least about before the one body is become accustomed the body of the other, but will find positions ideal constitutes one of the great sexual satisfactions for the pair. For old Chinese the this constant search by the perfection in the sexual relations it maintained the flame of the alive love and sex until the last one of his days. -

In addition, when the woman has her companion behind, it can stimulate the chest, clítoris and the vagina with greater facility.

Almost always are men those that takes initiative, since the great majority of the women declares that this sexual activity does not satisfy them, this can be due to the pain that can cause if it tries itself to make with little lubrication; often it is essential to use dilatadoras creams. ”

ADVICE

It is important to adopt a suitable position. Many women prefer to be above to regulate the speed at which the penetration is carried out. To others they like to ease up mouth-down, to put to four legs like the penetrated triggers or being while they are fallen down of side.
You choose as he is the best one for you before beginning.
Wait all along that necesiteis and you use a great amount of lubricant.
If she says to you that she begins to hurt, she backs down, she removes your penis and she applies more lubricant.
It can arrive a little while during the sex in which its anus relaxes the sufficient thing like allowing that the end of your penis leaves natural form.
If it is completely relaxed, this “debera exit” to feel of a totally painless form.
First and main that needs to make possible anal sex is Patience. The initial penetration is always the most difficult part.

The anus is a narrow ring of meat to the entrance of the rectum, that it has like mission to control the elimination of the corporal remainders. Partially it is controlled by the will but also he is partially receptive to external stimulation.
Your pair must relax and you must go slowly to urge it to open the sufficient thing like receiving your penis.

He begins with a finger or lubricated or a thin consolador (than more small than your penis).
The consolador is more real, but your fingers can be flexionar and feel what they are doing within his anus.

A finger within its anus slides very slowly allowing him that it adjusts to him.
It removes your finger totally and soon it returns to introduce it. It gives time to his anus for accustomed to this type of activity.

Soon it introduces a second finger. If we considered the size of a normal penis, probably two fingers are than sufficient more.